The pictures were taken last night. Kindra decided to play baby dolls with Amaya, which was very cute. Later in the night, Kindra and Noah fell asleep together on our bed. We eventually had to kick Kindra out of the bed though, it's a big bed, but even we have our limits!!
All in all, we've had a pretty stressful week with Noah in school. Like I said before, he was doing ok early in the week, for someone who'd never been to school. He had a hard time with us dropping him off on Monday and Tuesday, and it turned out that he cried for nearly an hour after we dropped him off on Tuesday. But he did finally come over and join the group for the rest of the day. Wednesday, he didn't cry when I dropped him off, just got a little angry and wanted to leave with me. But when I picked him up, the teacher said he'd had a "sassy mouth" one time and had been separated from the group until he could behave.
Then there was Thursday....
Thursday morning Noah did perfect when we dropped him off. He walked into the room, hung his backpack up on his hook, kissed us goodbye, and walked over with the rest of the kids. I was thrilled all morning at what a good job he'd done when we dropped him off. I got to the school early to pick him up, so I could observe how he was doing in class. I was peeking in the window, and couldn't see Noah. All of the other children were in a big circle, wearing some hats they had made out of paper, but I never could find Noah in the group. When they opened the door for parents to come in, Noah was sitting in a little chair on the other side of the room. When he saw me he smiled and ran over to me. I asked him why he was sitting over there all by himself, and he didn't say anything. The teacher came over and said Noah had a really really bad day. He was hitting other children, throwing things, and making verbal threats to everyone who irritated him. I told her, well, that sounds like Noah, I had wondered how long it would be before he showed that side of himself at school.
Then, I started to cry. I just couldn't help it, I had been holding my breath for 4 days, hoping he would do ok. Her words were like a kick in the stomach, and I just couldn't stop the tears.
So we sat down and talked for about 15 minutes about the whole situation. About how I've known for a long time that Noah was different than other children, about his behavior ever since he was born (or even before he was born, if you remember how sick I was when pregnant with him), about how I've tried talking with people about my concerns but everyone dismisses them and tells me...oh he's just a little boy, that's how they behave...oh you've got to be more stern with him, discipline him more....oh you've got to be more lenient with him, you're too hard on him....oh you were wrong to have another baby so soon after Noah was born.....
I've heard so many things from so many different people, all of which tries to dismiss the fact that his behavior is not normal. Even though Pavan and I knew something was going on with Noah, we kept holding out hope that he would outgrow this attitude. Talking with the teacher confirmed what we already knew, Noah needs help. More than we can give him on our own, Lord knows I am exhausted and just don't know what else to do on my own. I had called last month and made an appointment to meet with a pediatric/adolescent psychiatrist, during a period when Noah's behavior had been especially bad. Our appointment is the end of this month. I'm anxious to meet with her and decide where to go from here.
The last couple of days have been really hard for me. I keep worrying about Noah's future, how is he going to function at school, will he ever be able to make friends, will he end up being that kid who nobody likes and everybody ridicules because of his behavior, will he ever find happiness in life. The questions are just bombarding me nonstop, and until we meet with the doctor, I don't think I'll reach any answers.
I've been doing some research online into childhood psychiatric di, so that I will be more informed and able to make better decisions once we meet with the doctor. The diagnosis I've come across that sounds just like Noah is called Oppositional Defiant Disorder. My mom sent me a link to a really good article about the disorder, which is short and concise. The link is
http://www.aacap.org/publications/factsfam/72.htm
Reading about it helps in some ways, it finally validates the frustration and exhaustion I've been experiencing dealing with Noah 24 hours a day for the last 3 1/2 years. But the readings are also very depressing, when you start looking into long term problems these children can face in life. I'm trying to focus on right now, and stop thinking so much about next year, or ten years from now. Matthew 6:34 says "Therefore do not worry about tomorrow, for tomorrow will worry about itself. Each day has enough trouble of its own". Or as my grandfather says, Don't borrow trouble!
But to our friends and family, we could really use your support right now. We get enough criticism from total strangers, who are always quick to point out Noah's faults. Take Noah shopping and you'll understand what I mean! We know he's hard to be around, we know he's hard to deal with....but if you give him a chance, he's the most amazing little boy. He's so funny, and so smart. He can go for days and be a perfect angel, but when he snaps.....watch out!! I don't want this to define Noah, we are committed to doing anything necessary to work through this so Noah can fulfill his purpose for life. We don't need to hear all of the blame and excuses from anyone anymore. It hurts us when people blame us for his problems. We are good parents trying to deal with a really difficult situation, so bear with us!
Gotta go. Pavan is on call this weekend, and is hoping we can all go to lunch when he's done rounding. He is planning to take Anna to see the movie Nacho Libre this evening, so hopefully things will slow down at the hospital so they don't get interrupted. He was very busy yesterday.....it was one of those days when all the patients came in with strange medical problems that required immediate attention. Last night he said he was going to sleep downstairs because he had a bad feeling about how the night would go.....he should know by now not to say stuff like that!!! I told him to stay up here, and about 10 minutes later it started....his pager was going crazy, and the stuff they were calling him about was just weird!!! And it wasn't even a full moon!
Have a good weekend. Sorry for being such a depressing journal writer today, but we want to be up front with everyone about what we are facing right now. Any prayers for Noah would be much appreciated, and for us too, to make the best decisions for Noah, and to stay strong and focused as we wade through all the information we're sure to receive over the next few weeks.
Rebecca
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